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Hot Take: The Concert Experience Isn't Yours to Police
When did enjoying live music become a competition over who is doing it "right"?
Article Contributed by Rebecca McDevitt
There seems to be an increasingly unspoken rule at concerts: if the person next to you isn't experiencing the show the way you are, they're doing it wrong. Someone is sitting down; they're "ruining the atmosphere." Someone is talking to their friend; they're "disrespecting the artist." Someone isn't singing every lyric; they "shouldn't have bought a ticket." Somewhere along the way, going to a concert seems to have become less about experiencing live music and more about making sure everyone around us is experiencing it correctly.
We recently came across a conversation online about someone being frustrated with people sitting down and talking during a concert, and it got us thinking about how quickly personal preferences have become concert etiquette rules. Of course, there are situations where someone's behavior can genuinely interfere with the people around them. If someone is screaming over the entire performance, intentionally blocking everyone's view, pushing through a crowd, or otherwise making it impossible for those around them to enjoy the show, that's a different conversation. But there is a significant difference between genuinely disruptive behavior and someone simply experiencing a concert differently than you would.
You Don't Know Someone Else's Story
The truth is, we don't know why someone is sitting down. Maybe they're tired after standing for hours. Maybe they have a physical limitation that isn't immediately visible. Maybe they're injured, pregnant, working, or simply more comfortable sitting for part of a three-hour show.
We also don't know why someone is talking. Maybe they're there with a friend who loves the artist. Maybe they're seeing that artist for the first time and don't know every song. Maybe they're press or working the event. Maybe they bought a ticket because they were invited by someone else and decided to give an artist they don't know a chance. Or maybe they simply want to talk to the person they came with.
None of those things automatically make someone disrespectful.
There Isn't One Right Way to Be a Fan
Concerts have always been deeply personal experiences. Some people scream every lyric. Some people dance from the moment the lights go down until the encore. Some people cry. Some people stand completely still because they're taking everything in. Some people sit for portions of the show. Some people film everything, while others put their phones away entirely.
Some people have followed an artist for years and know every deep cut, while someone sitting a few seats away might be hearing their music for the very first time. There is no single way to be a concertgoer, and there shouldn't be.
What feels particularly interesting is how much of modern fan culture seems to revolve around performing fandom the "right" way. You should know every lyric. You should stand. You should sing. You should react at the right moments. You should know the deep cuts. You should understand every reference. And if you don't meet those expectations, someone is inevitably ready to question why you are there in the first place.
But who decided those were the rules?
Being Annoyed Isn't the Same as Being Wronged
There is a difference between wanting to be able to hear the artist you paid to see and believing everyone around you needs to behave exactly as you would. There is a difference between being annoyed by someone's behavior and deciding that person doesn't belong in the room.
Your frustration is valid, but it doesn't necessarily make your preferred way of experiencing a concert the universal standard.
And this matters because we have no idea what is happening in the lives of the people standing around us. The person sitting down might be having the best night of their year. The person who doesn't know every lyric might discover a new favorite artist that night. The person quietly talking to their friend might have been invited to a concert they never would have attended otherwise and end up buying an album on the way home. The person holding a camera might be documenting the show for their publication.
We see a few seconds of someone's behavior and immediately create an entire story about who they are and whether they deserve to be there.
So, What Actually Is Concert Etiquette?
Live music doesn't work by one universal set of rules. There is something beautiful about putting thousands of completely different people in the same room for a few hours and allowing them to experience the same artist in completely different ways.
The person next to you doesn't have to feel what you feel for the show to mean something. They don't have to sing the same songs, cry at the same moments, stand for the entire set, or react the way you do.
They bought their ticket to see the artist.
So did you.
Concert etiquette should absolutely exist. We should be considerate of the people around us, and we should recognize when our behavior is genuinely preventing someone else from enjoying the show. But consideration has to go both ways. Sometimes that means accepting that the person next to you isn't going to experience the concert exactly as you would, and that doesn't make their experience less legitimate than yours.
Maybe the problem isn't concert etiquette. Maybe it's our growing expectation that everyone else's concert experience should look like ours.
Live music is supposed to bring people together. Perhaps we should spend a little less time policing how people experience it and a little more time actually experiencing it ourselves.
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